It’s all right man, I might’ve been bleeding man

I thought I’d take a break from updating the daily concussion update, because there was really nothing new to report and I doubt you want to read stuff like: “my head still hurts etc”. Everything is still slightly off kilter and I’m not feeling a 100%, though I have taken significant steps to recovery, or at least I feel I have.

 

I had an appointment with the doctors yesterday and what got told what I had feared. You might recall that I said I had 18 out of 21 symptoms listed for post concussion syndrome (PCS) and basically the doctor told me that I’ve got the condition. I had secretly wished that he would say that you’re still not fully recovered but you’re about 95% there and that it would be OK to resume normal activities.

 

What scared me yesterday was that I was told that it was likely that I had a small bleed in my brain as well that he didn’t spot upon first examination. However, the bleed was (if there was one) was minor to the point that doctors wouldn’t have done anything for it i.e. drill a hole in my head or remove a piece of skull.

 

My moods are still all over the place and I keep going from being happy to being sad to flat out enraged for no apparent reason. On a personal level this has been a trying test of patience, and my patience is wearing thin at times.

 

For the first time today, I wrote something by hand rather than by computer and here’s the difference. This picture: http://yfrog.com/h471529449j is from notes that I took on the 1^st of March and here is a picture of my hand writing today: http://yfrog.com/h2qr2pxj. Spot the difference?

 

On a positive note however, I have been allowed to start doing exercise again. I’m not allowed to lift heavy weights yet (damn it), but I have been allowed to do cardio work (hockey is cardio isn’t it?) and light weights. I went for a run last night and I did OK till about 8 minutes in. After that I had to take several breaks to let my coordination get back. I’m going to attempt the gym today and use the small dumb bells that are normally reserved for women. Man I’m going to get ripped doing that.

If it was Christmas, I know what I’d want

If Christmas was around the corner, I’d know what I would want. I would like a couple of good days in a row. Yesterday I felt absolutely fine, on the top of the world and pretty much laughed at everything and to a degree I still do. However, I had a bad spell in the afternoon and I felt the same symptoms as I did on Sunday morning. I basically started to fade again, but I had a nap and that sort of fixed it.

 

You might’ve read about my dreams being weird, but this time I had no dreams what so ever. Infact I didn’t even know I had slept. Well I did but I didn’t really register it. I sort of felt like I was floating in a void instead of sleeping, so I didn’t really feel rested.

 

I had a good chat with my brother and he actually said, jokingly, that there is a silver lining in all this in that I have at least one good, happy, day mixed in. The running joke is that I’m usually upset my minor inconveniences and get full of rage-a-hol from it. It is kind of true. I appreciate his view on things and it made me laugh, so cheers bro.

 

I still continue to struggle with my short term memory and here’s an example of it. I clipped my fingernails this morning and once I had finished one hand, I went to do the other, only to stare at it puzzled as the nails had seemingly vanished. It took a good couple of minutes of convincing myself that I had done it.

 

I also found a guidance pamphlet the doctors gave me during my first visit. The crap thing is that it contained a list of symptoms for post-concussion syndrome and reading them I was slightly depressed to see that I’m displaying  18 out of 21 symptoms associated with the condition. I’m not going to use a jump to conclusions mat (see the movie Office Space for that reference), but see what the doctor says on Monday.

There’s one thing I’d still like to figure out from today though: WHY THE HELL DID I WAKE UP WITH THE OOMPA LOOMPA SONG STUCK IN MY HEAD THIS MORNING?

 

Edit: this took me 18 minutes to write. Getting better.

5 Days and Counting

So, I’ve got 5 days till I see a specialist for my knee. Having read back on the last few posts, I realize that if any prospective teams read this they might think that I am a wreck of a man that can’t cope with it.

The sacrifice however is that I keep the knee rested for a while, skate and then not walk properly for the rest of the week. But just like Mario Lemieux during the time when he had back problems. He did not train and needed help putting his skates on but he still excelled. That is something that I aspire to.

I recently was asked why I keep doing it and why do I keep pushing. Part of me always tries to joke around and say that ‘you gotta be dumb to be tough’, but you know the truth is, there are guys there who play with much worse injuries than I am. I don’t view that playing with an injury is a bad thing. Sure it hurts, but for my ultimate goal, playing through pain has to be part of the job.

As for the specialist meeting itself, I am feeling relatively nervous. I think the type of person that I am has made me prepare for the worst.

I know I’ve got a tough road ahead of me, whatever the outcome, but I always excell in challenges.

Difficult week

Another difficult week with the knee and the doctors appointment is still over a week away.

The pain killers that I am on at the moment seem to take the worst edge of the pain off, but they make me feel quite bad. Though I must admit, I think I might have ‘over dosed’ today. It’s just that the pain gets so bad and I find that taking just one pill doesn’t really do much. I’ll probably end up like House with cane and vicoden and all.

Today for example, I took some before heading to the gym to make sure that I was able to do atleast some minor leg work. I’ve noticed that my quadriceps are shrinking on my right leg and my calf muscles aren’t what they used to be.

I’ve also noticed an increased weakness in the leg. Every step that I take I have to be close to something to lean on, incase the knee gives way. I’ve resisted using them so far, but the crutches in the kitchen are awfully inviting. Atleast that way I could take most the pressure off the leg before training so that I can play.

Other things that cause me discomfort and quite considerable amounts of pain are driving, sitting on the train, standing on the tube (or subway for any american’s reading this), sitting at my desk.

The weird thing is that I know that I should just rest my leg, but I can’t stop. I can’t be away from the ice untill the doctors tell me otherwise or if they have to operate on it. I’ve dedicated way too much time for the Summer Cup to give up now. This year has to be a big year for me personally.

On other positive notes, I did have one of the best work outs in a while. Really felt like doing the exercises to the end and punish myself.

If you haven’t already, go check out How To Train Your Dragon. It’s an amazing film and I haven’t been as excited about an animation since I saw Wall-E.